Bradwell Merkin Jnr always aspired to be an entrepreneur, but an inflated ego and below average intellect always seemed to bar the path to success. A whole series of Bradwell Enterprises foundered miserably, beginning in 1970 with the marketing of Charles Manson Halloween masks. This was followed in fairly rapid succession by the Bradwell Broken Biscuit Repair Service, The Bradwell Raccoon Skin underwear collection, the immortal “Bradwell Teach Yourself Sanskrit Tapes” and The Bradwell Dog-resuscitation System.
Not withstanding these flops, Bradwell Merkin finally hit the jackpot in July 2002 upon the apparent “discovery” of an image of Jesus within the scales of a diamondback rattlesnake. Needless to say the holy rattler was a fake, the image having been painted skilfully by Bradwell’s wife, Cheryl Anne, upon the sedated reptiles back. This deception eventually netted a whopping $20.000, no doubt boosted when an evangelist preacher was fatally bitten whilst attempting to expose the hoax.
Using his dubiously acquired funds, Bradwell launched the enterprise that brought him notoriety, “The Bradwell Experience”. Following in the footsteps of his idol, P.T.Barnum, he envisaged a travelling freak show with live music and animal acts.
The music was provided by cousin Marvin and his Ethnic Banjos, another bunch of inbred Merkins, accompanied by The Amazing Nashville Singing Chickens. (Actually mutilated rhesus monkeys heavily disguised).
Bradwell’s search for suitable freaks uncovered virtually nothing, cousin Ralph had a hare lip and cousin Harlan had an in-growing toenail. However, all was not lost, uncle Herb worked on rubber prosthetics for grade Z Hollywood sci-fi films and provided some monstrous costumery for Bradwell’s entourage. So cousin Ralph became the incredible Squid Man, cousin Harlan, The Human Whelk. Bradwell’s brother, Steve, became Kaznaz the Human Caterpillar and cousin Mike, Rufus Strufus The Dangling Shithead.
The show hit the road and animal rights activists had the event banned in Reno. The Catholic League of Decency had the next show closed the following day, outside Las Vegas. The third gig opened at Monument Valley whereby local cowboys threw horse manure and rotten eggs at the Bradwell ensemble. All visitors asked for their money back. From then onwards things went down hill all the way. In 2008 Bradwell Merkin Jr found God and switched to Evangelical Revivalist Show, healing the sick by laying on of hands. To his immense credit, he cured a Cocker Spaniel of mange and found an elderly gentleman’s false teeth.
